im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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