Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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