there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
