The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
