It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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