I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize