hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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