Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
