You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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