I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
