the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am midnight drunk by noon
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
And then he peed in my hair
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