When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
