"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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