Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
