Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
