I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
