omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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