I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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