Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
