u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
