Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
