ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
