Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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