I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
