Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
