YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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