Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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