did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
