The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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