apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
