I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
