btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
