The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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