clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Gay?
German.
Pity.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
