i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
