I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
