Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
