That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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