Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
