does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
