Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
