i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
