Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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