I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
