I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
