Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
