I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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