Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
how drunk are you?
Several
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize