I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize