Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
