there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize