I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
