so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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