im having a threesome with these popsicles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
