you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
