I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize