Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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