Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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