dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
