those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
