I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
