I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
