I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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