we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
