honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
