hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
