Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
