In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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