also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
