billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
