I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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