did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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