my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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