I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
